Chapter One

"It's all so fucked up... I don't know what to expect."

"Does he know about Libby?"

"I heard Carol talking to my mom about it, her weekly report probably."

"And you think your mom passed it on."

"Of course she did." Zac swung his legs over the side of the low armchair, one hand massaging his eyes for comfort the other holding the phone receiver tight to his ear. "I can't understand where this sudden change of heart has come from."

"You are happy about it though, aren't you?"

"Yeah." He spoke hesitantly. "But I'm still mad, you know, I just can't get that picture out of my head."

"You think it's going to be bad?"

"I don't know." They fell silent. "Do you think he's going to break it off?"

"God Zac, how would I know?"

"You saw him... how did he seem?"

"Pissed, insane, maniacal."

"You're not helping Bob."

"Look, Taylor loves you, you love Taylor..."

"Jesus! Tell me there's nobody listening to this."

"...It's going to work out in the end."

"And what about Jonny?"

"What about Libby?" Zac fell silent, pondering the comparison.

"I'm not attracted to Libby."

"Then why is she your girlfriend?"

"To piss Taylor off."

"Oh." Bob chuckled. "So you wanted your mom to tell him?"

"No!" He sat straight. "Well..." His shoulders slumped. "Yeah, but I was angry, hurt... you understand don't you?"

"Have you... uh... done anything with her?" Zac's cheeks rose into a blush. He coughed with embarrassment and leaned his head in his hand. "You have?" Bob's tone expressed his shock. Zac stood quickly, shaking his head adamantly as if the two were face to face.

"No, that's the problem." He took a deep breath. "I'm really not attracted to her." The line went silent for a minute. Zac listened, waiting anxiously for a response.

"You mean... you couldn't get it up?"

"Jesus Bob." Zac groaned at the vulgarity of the statement.

"But I thought you'd been with girls before."

"I have... but never alone."

"Really?" The phone went dead again before Bob pulled in an excited breath. "So little Zac's one-hundred percent fag?"

"Uh..." He hesitated. "I uh... I guess I am." Bob laughed joyously as Zac dropped again into his chair, distress washing over his features.

"Zac? You okay?" His voice broke through a heavy silence. Zac sighed deeply, hiding himself in his mane of golden hair.

"I'm scared." Bob immediately fell silent. "If Taylor doesn't love me it'll break my heart." He sucked in a deep breath, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Well you've only got two days to wait babe."

Zac nodded silently, pulling his bottom lip through his teeth. Two Days.

"We should talk." Zac's voice was hesitant as Libby stopped the car, killed the engine and turned to look at him, her face calm.

"About what?" She feigned naiveté. Zac groaned inwardly.

"About the other night."

"You were drunk," She spoke quickly, a fake smile fixed to her lips. "It happens." Zac watched her climb out of the car, pushing her hair back against the harsh wind. Zac followed, walking around to meet her and continue their conversation.

"But there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Zac, forget it. I have." Her words were quick, sharp and stunned him into silence. She reached up and dropped a forced kiss on his lips before taking his hand and dragging him into the house, enveloping the two in the safety of the pounding music.

Part of him enjoyed being with Libby. The attention he got through their relationship had been something of a comfort, reminding him of times spent amidst crowds of adoring people, dying to be in his place and have what he had but, there was something about her, something craving attention that he didn't like. Inside he knew that their sudden relationship was like a marketing deal; Zac would get the opportunity to fit into high school, Libby could say she was dating a pop star and everyone would be happy. But, as easy as it all seemed, there were so many problems. One being Zac's known, yet ignored sexuality and another being that lingering, painful love for a person who had been ripped from his life, a person who could be hurting in so many ways it almost killed him. Of course, he couldn't tear his mind away from Taylor and couldn't even comprehend anything in life that didn't concern his return home on Monday. Understandably, the last thing he needed right then was a party and the last person he wanted to be with was Libby.

"You can't ignore me all night." He leant close to her ear.

"I'm not ignoring you." She smiled, waved at a friend and continued to walk. "I don't think there's anything to talk about."

"Well you must be blind." He protested. She scowled.

"Can't you just drop it? You're boring me." As the two talked Zac's irritation started to show through, his face flushed with exasperation.

"I'm boring you?" His tone was incredulous. "You've not exactly been very stimulating yourself these past few weeks." Her head swung round surprised by his sudden bitchiness.

"Oh no." Her eyes widened. "Don't blame Mr. Flaccid on me."

"Well there's never been a problem before." He hissed.

"So you're saying I'm not good enough for you?" She folded her arms defensively.

"Well if you'd listen to me..." But before he had a chance to finish his sentence she span on her heel and ran up the nearby staircase. With a deep groan Zac moved to follow her.

"Zac, you got a moment?" Jennifer's face suddenly appeared before him, her eyes glassy and her lip quivering. He didn't notice, shaking his head apologetically and following his soon to be ex-girlfriend up to the slightly less noisy first floor.

"Libby?" He finally found her in a small, bare bedroom, her head in her hands. His stomach turned, suddenly regretting his harsh words.

"You're not attracted to me are you?" She looked up, she hadn't been crying but her eyes were filled with close tears. Zac hesitated, taking a step in and closing the door behind him.

"It's not that... it's..."

"That's about the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, you know that?" She stood quickly. "Do you realize how many guys would die to be in your place?"

" So why don't you go find one? It's not like you give a shit about me, just who I am."

"How dare you assume that about me."

"Well do you?" He threw a hand in the air. "Do you know anything about my family, my friends, my life. Have you even considered why I'm even here? Have you even thought about how I might feel being paraded around like a trophy on your god damned arm?"

"So that's what it's about?" She took a step towards him, arms folded across her chest. "I'm not as caring and sensitive as Jennifer, I'm not as perfect and innocent as her?"

"At least I know she genuinely cares about me." His words were slow, confused.

"Well you're welcome to her then." Her scream was sudden, stilling the words forming on his lips. "It's not like she hasn't done it before."

"You're being irrational." He finally spoke. "She's just a friend."

"Forget it Zac. You think you can come in here, take what you want, who you want and then drop it when you're bored?" She paused. "I hope Jen can handle that." And with a malignant toss of her hair she stalked out of the room, her words ringing in the air. Zac, confused and silent, walked over to the window and watched her climb angrily into her car, start the engine and pull roughly out of the driveway.

He walked around the house, alone, searching for his two friends. Nobody had seen them and Zac's search was starting to look futile. Finally after a long walk around the perimeter of the house he found an outside entrance to the basement, which had been locked away, to the party. He pushed the door gently, surprised when it gave easily against his hand.

Taking slow, hesitant steps he made his way down into the dimness, gentle sobbing breaking through the faded music. He stopped at the bottom, his search for his friends over.

"Jen?" His voice was soft but still surprised the two siblings, sat in the corner, talking quietly. Jennifer's face was tear stained and her eyes a sore red. Warren looked upset and as his gaze fell on Zac he thought he saw a flash of anger.

"Are you okay?" He took an uncertain step forward as she watched him, her sobbing suddenly fuller, more painful than the gentle sounds of a moment before.

She stood, bit her lip and moved quickly, running past him and up the steps. Zac turned to follow but was held by Warren's soft words.

"Leave her Zac." He turned slowly. Warren shook his head. "Just leave it."

Chapter Two

He stood at her bedroom door and took a deep breath, nervous, but for something he couldn't put his finger on. He knocked gently and turned the handle, catching sight of Jennifer stretched across her bed, teddy bear in arm, gazing dejectedly at the wall. Zac smiled at her and she smiled back, sitting upright and leaning her head against the stuffed animal.

"Hey." He walked slowly into the room, perching on the edge of her bed.

"Hey." She replied, watching his every movement with observant eyes.

"You feeling any better today?" She nodded.

"Yeah, a little."

"What happened? You looked so upset." She took a deep breath, gazing at him through half closed eyes.

"Jay came round early to the party because he wanted to talk about some stuff, we ended up arguing like crazy... he left before anyone even got here." She smiled sadly. "I tried to put on a brave face but I just wanted to lock myself up and cry." Zac's stomach turned.

"I didn't even realize..."

"It's okay." She shook her head. "Did you enjoy the party?"

Zac blinked, choosing his words carefully. "I didn't really get much of a chance to..."

"Why, what happened?"

"Well I uh..." He looked down into his writhing hands. "I broke up with Libby." There was a second of stillness before her body suddenly became animated, her eyes dancing, a smile tugging at her forlorn lips, her body arching towards him to know everything that happened.

"Why? I thought you guys were getting on great." Zac bit his lip, glancing at her through the corner of his eye.

"Not really, I think the happy couple thing was a bit of an act." Her eyes widened.

"It was an Oscar winning performance then." Zac chuckled.

"Yeah, well... we argued, she got pissed, screamed a lot of stupid stuff and disappeared in her car."

"That sounds like Libby," She nodded, her eyes twinkling. "What did she say?" Zac took a deep breath, gulping nervously. He couldn't understand why this was making him so uneasy, the things that had been said playing on his mind.

"Well she was pissed because I like you more than her." Her body rose up in surprise, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping. Zac twisted around quickly, waving his hands. "I mean, as a person." Her mouth formed an 'O' as she sunk back to the bed.

"She's jealous of our friendship?"

"Kinda."

Jennifer frowned, running a hand self-consciously through her hair. "But she was your girlfriend, you spent more time with her than me."

"With her and her fan club." He corrected. Jennifer chuckled. "I think maybe there's such a huge contrast between her and you that it's obvious who I'm more comfortable with. I mean, James chose you over her and now... well..." Her expression fell at the mention of James, her mouth twisting into a scowl.

"Yeah, the James thing was such a choice... she dumped him, what did she expect?"

"Well, it's all over now." He smiled widely. "And I don't have to see her for... well, I don't know how long." His words trailed off, the sudden realization that he didn't have a clue how long he would be gone, or if he was even coming back hitting him with an astounding force.

"You go tomorrow don't you?" Jennifer sighed, scooting closer to him. "I'm going to miss you a lot."

"Me too." His expression was affectionate as he slid his arm around her, pulling her close.

"Since you got here everything's been different... for the better..." She added as his expression clouded over. "You're such a real person, I'm surprised at how real you actually are."

"I have to be." He sighed.

"I'm glad I met you, I've known you barely two months and I feel we're closer than anyone I know."

"Yeah." He smiled, wrapping his other arm around her and bringing her into a close embrace. "You've kept my feet on the ground since I've been here, never lose touch." She smiled against his shoulder, cheek pressed against the soft skin at his neck.

"Never."

They fell silent for a moment, finding comfort in each other's closeness before she pulled back slightly, looking at him with those sparkling blue eyes, the same as her brother's, the same as Taylor's. He smiled when she smiled but stilled when she suddenly moved to kiss him, her lips resting gently against the soft pillows of his own. His body tensed as she pressed against him a little harder and his lips moved almost mindlessly in response to hers, a soft kiss, confused and misshapen. She pulled him close against her, hands tangling in the loose threads of his long hair before he pulled away, surprised and a little shaken.

"Jen?"

"I'm sorry." She stood quickly, hand over her mouth. "I promised myself I'd never do that."

"But why?" He asked, shaking his head slowly.

"Because... because. God this is so embarrassing." She chuckled slightly. "I have this really huge crush on you." Her eyes sparkled with hope as he gazed at her, his expression clearly showing his surprise.

"Wow." He spoke slowly, suddenly self-conscious. "I didn't know."

"You don't... don't...?" She stuttered. He held out his hands to calm her.

"I'm just taken aback!" He exclaimed. "Can we talk about this when I get back? It's so much..."

"I guess so." Her expression fell and her whole body tensed. She smiled nervously, twirling a section of hair behind her ear. "God I've messed up haven't I?"

"No, no!" Zac protested, moving in to hug her shortly. "Look, we'll catch up when I get back. Have a great Christmas." And with a final wave he was gone, out of the house, down the path and through the trees, his whole body reeling in surprise.

"Jen told me what happened." Warren leant at the windowsill, arms folded, watching Zac's frenzied packing.

"I feel so bad." He explained. "She surprised me so much, it was the last thing I was expecting."

"But, do you like her, like that?" Warren inquired. Zac paused, gazing at him.

"I don't know." He lied. "But it's not like we could do anything anyway, she has a boyfriend that I have to live with."

"She's serious about you," Zac bit his lip at the statement and returned to organizing his clothes. "Since she met you she hasn’t been able to stop talking about you."

"I really had no idea." Zac shook his head.

"Look." Warren's tone darkened. "If you're not interested please just tell her, she can handle it. She can't handle being messed about if you're just not sure or if you're trying to get back at somebody or for any other reason. Please, she just needs someone to love her, if that's not you then just tell her."

"Everything's so complicated right now." Zac confessed. "It's going to be hard but I won't even be able to think straight until after the holidays." Warren's expression flashed confusion. He stood straight and approached his friend.

"Well, for yours and Jen's sake, I hope you can do whatever you need to do." He flashed a caring smile. "You're still a friend Zac and besides everything we both still care." Zac nodded.

"Thanks Warren." He sighed. "I'll try to work this out." They stilled for a second before falling into a short embrace, Parting, they said their good-byes and wished each other Merry Christmas. Warren left slowly, waving his friend goodbye from the driveway before leaving him in such a mixed emotional state that he could only sit on his bed, bury his head in his hands and fight against frustrated tears.

Avery's was the first face he saw, perched on the top step of their expansive porch, waiting for the car to spin into the driveway. Zac had prepared himself for so many things but the excitement on her face as she ran to him and jumped into her brother's arms was almost mind-blowing. Suddenly people were surrounding him, four younger siblings, exactly as he had left them encircling him, on his legs and body. He let out a short relieved laugh, the fear that had clouded his mind through the mainly silent car journey seeping away slowly, replaced by excitement, relief and hope.

He opened his eyes, a broad grin spreading across his face as the sudden shock of his family's love surrounded him but he was looking for something else. A slender body, bright blue eyes, a love he recognized as equal to his own, the person he had thought about day and night for the past months, his missing half, his soul connection. He lowered Avery to the floor and stepped out of his sibling's grasp, his eyes falling on a figure that made his whole body burn, only yards away. He had tears in his eyes and his frame was so tiny and pale but he was beautiful, more than Zac remembered, more than he had imagined, standing in the winter sun, waiting for his turn.

Zac bit his lip and took a tentative step forward, frightened somebody would rip him away now that he was so close. His whole being ached to be encircled in his brother's firm embrace. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Taylor's, their gaze intense, their passions magnified a hundred times.

"Tay?" He questioned lightly as if the person stood before him were simply a mirage. The boy nodded, tears finally running tracks down his pale, anxious face as they just stared, frightened to move in case this weren't real, in case everything here was just a dream.

"I missed you." Taylor whispered wrapping his arms suddenly and possessively around Zac's waiting body clinging together and allowing themselves to merge into the whole being they felt they had lost. They grasped each other desperately letting their pained cries jumble into one another and dance with relief into the cool winter air.

Chapter Three

His eyes flew open in frustration, the darkness stifling his over-active mind. He sat up, gazing around the unfamiliar room, the guestroom. His heart was pounding, almost deafening in the stillness of the house, it hadn't stopped since he had touched that smooth skin and slotted himself back between the arms of his estranged lover. Everything had come flooding back from that one electrifying touch and they both felt it, standing still, pressed together, flooded by a torrent of emotions and desires that had diluted and become distant with every day they had spent apart.

His return had been tense, the two had been allowed to hold each other, for minutes they stood in the yard, crying against each other as the family was ushered inside but, since then, their every movement had been watched and scrutinized. Seating had been so carefully planned that the two were never close, sleeping arrangements so meticulously organized that they could not spend the night together without somebody noticing, with Isaac taking residence in Zac's bed.

Somehow, none of it mattered. He didn't need to touch Taylor to feel love emanating from every pore and he didn't need to feel that skin to know how smooth it felt, to remember his subtle smell. The two made love across the room, in the presence of their whole family with just a secret smile or a guided glance. The measures were taken to stop that feeling, just as splitting them apart was meant to make them forget. It didn't work. Even though Zac ached to be able to just hold his brother's hand he could suffice to just look at him and be with him in a room with a hundred other people.

What he couldn't understand was how silent everybody had become, the stillness of the older members of his family made him uneasy just as Taylor's pale face and haggard form made him shiver with concern. He was sure something had happened and he was scared, of what it was and where it might lead. He wanted to talk to Taylor, find out everything, about Jonny, the drinking, his feelings but he wasn't sure he was ready to hear the answers to these burning questions. He was back with his brother, his lover, his best friend and he didn't want to spoil that by bringing up the things that had hurt him the most.

"Zac?" He almost cried when the door cracked open and Taylor's quiet voice broke the silence, a husky whisper making his skin prickle.

"I'm awake." Came his short reply. He couldn't see his brother's face but he could make out that slender form, working it's way slowly to his bed. He took a deep breath as the duvet lifted and Taylor slipped in beside him, his cold body huddling up to Zac's, arms wrapping together protectively, holding each other as if in pact that they couldn't be separated. They lay silently, becoming accustomed to each other's bodies again, those distinct scents that never changed but had dimmed slightly in each other's memories. Zac pulled in a deep breath, almost swallowing the trace of apple in Taylor's supple skin, his fingers tracing rings against his hard back, reeling from the electricity of each simple movement.

"I've thought about this night," Taylor spoke after minutes of silence. "Since the day you got into that car, dreamed of you just holding me."

"So much has happened Tay." Zac whispered, his lips brushing the skin on his lover's shoulder.

"I know." There was a slight shift. "And we need to talk." Zac's stomach turned, those simple words sounding ominous in the deep night.

"It's been so hard living without you, everything I've done has been clouded by you..." His words almost sounded like excuses to his guilty ears. Taylor sighed and lifted a hand to his cheek, gently massaging the baby soft skin beneath. He smoothed his fingers over Zac's lips and moved in to drop a perfectly sweet kiss against his waiting mouth. Zac's breath caught in his throat as his whole body lapsed, reacting against the passion in that intimate touch. It ended too soon but they were still close, their eyes, adjusted to the light, drinking in everything they had forgotten about each other's face.

"Not tonight." Taylor whispered. "Tonight it's just you and me, no problems, no separation. Just love."

Their lips met again, this time in a deep sensuality, searching each other for that love they had been looking for, that they had sought from other people but could ultimately only find in each other. Zac rolled onto his back, allowing Taylor's svelte body to relax against him, his hands locking with his lovers above their heads as their tongues performed a heightened dance between them, tasting each other with varied speed. Taylor's fingers loosened, trailing across Zac's palms and tickling the flesh beneath. He lifted his body and drew his hands down Zac's naked chest, resting for a moment above his pounding heart, delighting as the rhythm fell in line with his own. His hands continued to travel, reaching the elastic of a pair of flimsy shorts, which he discarded in a second, leaving Zac naked and writhing in need of stimulation. Taylor's fingers played at the base of his cock, his fingers caressing the sparse golden hair. Taylor broke their kiss and pulled away slightly, his eyes savoring the needy expression on his brothers face, dropping a simple kiss against his lips before trailing one slender finger up the length of Zac's half erect penis.

"The only one." Zac breathed as Taylor's fingers rubbed against his cock head, rubbing the premature juices into his heated skin. "You're the only one baby..." His sentence was cut off by a harsh gasp when Taylor wrapped his hand around the length of his brother's penis and tugged sharply, following it quickly with another and another. He leant in again and ran his tongue languidly across Zac's dry lips, causing his eyes to flutter closed. His breath was coming in short spurts now as Taylor continued his attack, his motions short and sharp, stimulating the length of his shaft before rising up and caressing the sensitive head. Taylor watched in delight, every inch of skin tingling from the look on his brother's face, his own erection straining against the cotton of his pajamas. Thoughts of having his own cock delving into that open mouth and to feel orgasm stimulated through his lover's touch moved him to take Zac's hand and rub it against his own hard-on. He sighed with relief when Zac instantly delved between the cotton folds and took a firm hold on his burning meat.

They fell into a rhythm; their needs equalized through months of separation, somehow heightened by the knowledge that this rendezvous would be frowned upon by anybody who found them. They watched each other's faces with a fervent desire, watching as the other started to shake, their face contorting in ecstasy as that familiar, yet truly heart-stopping rush moved through them. Simultaneously they cried out, grasping their free hands together and reaching climax, a dizzying height of sexual fulfillment that they had longed for, dreamed of and were finally experiencing as they both orgasmic concurrently, touched the stars and fell together, to a place where they belonged.

Chapter Four

"You spent the night with him didn't you?" The gray sunrise had barely brushed the room when Taylor returned to his own bed, his stomach in knots, myriad emotions swirling and colliding inside him. He turned to Isaac with an expression that wasn't so much surprised as it was disappointed and sat dejectedly on his bed. Isaac took his silence as a yes. "Did you tell him?"

"I couldn't, it would hurt him so much." He ran a hand nervously through his hair. "He'd blame it on himself."

"He knows something's wrong, you can see it in everything he does."

"I know." His words accompanied a deep sigh, his body still tingling from the ecstasy of Zac's skin pressed hard against his own, deep, searching kisses filled with intoxicating love.

"Taylor." Isaac pulled himself up in bed, preparing to be the voice of reason. "You have to make a decision, the two of you can't carry on like this and if it does they'll only split you up again. We're all as confused as each other about it but you're the only one who can help you... until you do something we'll be going round and round in circles."

"I love him." His words were choked. Isaac only bit his lip against the sickness at that phrase, his resolution to be supportive proving harder than he had thought.

"But it isn't healthy. You could have died Tay, is it worth that?"

"That was a stupid mistake."

"One that you could easily make again, another bottle of vodka and some car keys. This relationship has made you unstable and this," He motioned to the door in reference to his night away. "Is not going to make things any easier."

"It makes me happy to be with him..."

"You know that's impossible." They fell silent for a moment before Taylor shook his head.

"I'll sort it out." He sighed and lay down on his bed, pulling his duvet tight over him. "Just give me some time." Isaac sighed, watching his brother lie still, knowing deep inside that he was conjuring up that world where he and his lover could be together without anyone. Without him.

Christmas in the Hanson household had always been a huge affair and this year was no exception. If anything they had gone overboard with guests, food and celebration plans, the result of which made it very difficult for Zac and Taylor to spend time alone. To everybody the joviality of the occasion seemed almost forced, gifts bought through duty and quelled excitement around a turkey dinner only highlighting the almost screaming anxieties running throughout the family.

The night following Christmas day saw them in full swing as they threw one of the biggest parties of the year, an annual tradition and one the parents were determined to keep up, despite their precarious situation and the result of the last party they had held. The brother's watched uncomfortably from opposite ends of the room as their house filled with more and more people, ex-crushes, old friends and new neighbors, all curious to discover the real reason behind the melee of press the group had so recently acquired.

"I can't believe this is going ahead." Taylor grumbled. He leaned against the wall behind him and lifted a luke-warm glass of orange juice to his lips. Isaac glanced at him, noticing his gaze fall on Zac, surrounded by a group of friends he hadn't seen in a while. He looked nervy as he talked to them, sidetracking their questions and refusing to let the conversation fall to him.

"Life goes on Tay, you aren't the be-all and end-all of the world you know." Taylor groaned.

"Did you have that stick inserted surgically?"

"Jesus, you can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself." Came Isaac's irked reply.

"Well there's not much else I can do, I've had more people around me here than on the road." He bit his lip. "You don't know what frustration is until you've experienced this." He stared pointedly at Zac, who caught the look and blushed, fighting a short smile.

"Zac moved on, he's got a girlfriend, maybe it's time you should too."

"When will you learn?" The expression that crossed his face was pained when he turned to Isaac. "This is so much deeper than anything you can imagine, please stop making it seem that way."

Isaac groaned and without another word walked away leaving Taylor to contemplate the beauty of his brother without distraction.

He was still confused and even annoyed with himself for having not found an answer. He had thought that seeing Zac again would make that decision for him but his head was still a mess and coming into contact with those sultry eyes and screaming lips had only muddled things so much more. He felt like he was playing a game, working out a puzzle in his head, but some of the pieces were missing and some a little too large to fit. Everything was against him, his family, his morals, his body and that aching desire for intoxication that he had been fighting. He needed to figure himself out before he figured out Zac, wandering in a world of broken pieces, the combination to which would solve everything.

For days he had been frightened for his own sanity, not able to drag himself from bed in fear that the world would throw something else at him, something even more tragic and painful than what he had already felt. He knew he couldn't take it anymore, for over a year he had been breaking up, bit by bit, eaten by this all-consuming love and whatever he did he couldn't escape it. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to.

He still craved Zac, more than ever, the feelings he had doubted suddenly amplified a hundred-fold. He wanted to be everything to him, the only one he talked to, touched, kissed, pleasured, he wanted to hold him forever in a cocoon available only to the two of them and block off the rest of the world with their rights and wrongs. But he couldn't look after him and that was the reality of the situation. Taylor had proven to himself and everyone around him that he could barely look after himself and Zac needed that, needed somebody to devote themselves selflessly to him as he would to them.

Taylor wasn't ready to do that. He could feel his world crashing in on him and he needed time - a lot of time - before he could make that commitment and as he began a slow, pointless lap of the room the sullen, brown-eyed figure in the corner had almost guessed what he was thinking.

"Kids!" Diana shouted up the staircase, the hustle and bustle of a Hanson family day out polluting the house. Today, however, saw a multitude of different relatives joining their excursion and it was proving difficult to organize everybody into their entourage.

After many yells of frustration from three sets of parents the front yard was filled with running children and some rather perturbed teens, wrapped in winter coats and waiting for various car doors to be open. Taylor watched them all with a faint smile, his bare arms covered in goose bumps in the freezing air.

"You sure you don't mind?" Taylor shook his head, relieved that he would finally get some peace having offered to clear up after the party. Zac breezed past him, walked down the steps and planted himself amidst the flurry of relatives, watching with a fixed concentration as his mother joined the group and delved into her bag for car keys.

"I don't really feel up to this mom." Diana's head shot up, her eyes engaging in a short staring match with her son.

"What?" She frowned at him, her eyes flashing anger.

"I feel a little off." He smiled calmly. "I should just lie down." Diana gritted her teeth aware that his moment had been opportune. She glanced at Taylor who was watching the confrontation with some surprise and turned back to her son, aching to grab his arm and throw him into the car but painfully aware of the people all around. Her lips spread into a forced smile and she nodded her head slowly.

"Okay." Her tone was harsh as she turned away from him, hurt and dejected. Zac nodded in response and watched silently as people filtered slowly into various cars and disappeared up the driveway. Without a word he turned back, climbed the porch steps and took hold of Taylor's hand, pulling him back into the house and slamming the door behind them.

Chapter Five

It was almost a scene from a movie the way Taylor's back slammed against the hard wall, Zac's lips pressed so fiercely against him he could have drawn blood. They clung to each other, frantically tasting each other as if it were unknown territory, their hands roaming with an almost child-like fervor.

Zac took a firm hold of Taylor's shirt and swung him around, following his mouth with desperate lips as he backed him across the room and against the low sofa, his hands unfastening and tugging at his brother's jeans with a practiced ease. In one quick movement Zac had dropped to his knees, his mouth hungrily swallowing the head of his lovers half-erect cock, a hand quickly working at the base to bring him to full attention. It wasn't long before Zac halted his attack against his brother's sensitive head and delved onto the length of his meat, swallowing it to the hilt and sucking desperately at his sweet, tender skin.

"Fuck." Taylor's groans were deep, almost harsh screams from his throat as Zac assaulted him, sucked every inch of his pulsing hard-on to the point of insanity. Zac grasped his buttocks tight, his movements gaining a momentum that could easily knock his frail lover backwards.

It didn't take long before Taylor's breathing became shallow and his hips started to buck, forcing himself deep into that waiting throat, forcing Zac's expert mouth to swallow him whole a million times a minute. He screamed out loud and jilted forward, his hands grasping the sofa back for support. He climaxed fiercely, load after load of thick cream filling Zac's mouth and spilling onto his lips.

"I have been dying to do that." Zac pulled himself up, his mouth twisted into a satisfied smile as he swung his arms around Taylor's neck and dropped a sweet kiss on his lips.

"I've been dying for you to do that." Taylor quipped.

"And I can do it again, and again, and again..." He chuckled. "They won't be home for hours." Taylor watched him, screaming to kiss him, to go again, to hear him scream loud enough for the neighbors to worry but his heart was still heavy and there were things he needed to say, to get off his chest.

"Zac, we really should..." But Zac raised a finger to silence him and shook his head slowly.

"I want you." He whispered seductively, pressing his hard body close to Taylor's, his hand trailing down his slender frame and cupping his slightly stiff penis. "I want to feel you inside me Tay." His cock jumped at the suggestion, growing another inch in Zac's waiting hand.

"I want you to make love to me." Zac continued, his throaty whisper dropped against a pounding eardrum. "I want you to fuck my tight ass." Taylor gulped, his mouth watering at the suggestion, his dick twitching in Zac's firm grasp. He contemplated it, remembering the nights he had ached to feel his brother's virgin hole wrapped around his burning erection, imagined the electric feeling that would pass between the two through that ultimate sexual act. His eyes glowed, wondering if he could really take up Zac's offer.

There was a tense silence.

"I can't." Taylor finally spoke, like a crescendo, the world tumbling down in Zac's shattered expression.

"What?" He stepped back, his tone full of disbelief.

"It would complicate things."

"Complicate things?"

"Zac, there's so much we need to talk about."

"Wait, you can walk around and fuck everything that moves but you can't make love to the one person you're supposed to care about?" Taylor blushed violently, standing straight and fastening his trousers over his aching cock.

"But that's what it is, none of it was love Zac, you know that." Zac stared at him fiercely before striking out, the whole force of his body pushing against Taylor's tiny frame, knocking him over with unquestionable strength.

"Fuck you Taylor, just fuck you." And without a glance he turned on his heel and ran up the staircase, slamming an upstairs door and leaving Taylor upset and humiliated on the ground.

"Zac?" He edged the door open slowly. Zac was sat on the edge of the bed twisting something in his hands, when he saw Taylor he threw it back into the dresser and slammed the drawer.

"I don't want to talk to you." He had been crying, tear tracks stained his cheeks, his eyes bloodshot and refusing to look in his direction.

"I'm sorry." They fell into a deep silence. Taylor closed the door behind him and perched on a wicker chair, watching and waiting for some sign that Zac would talk. It eventually came with a short sigh.

"You know I spent all these weeks reading about you, seeing pictures of you all over the fucking papers and knowing that it didn't mean a thing, that you still loved me, still wanted me..."

"I do want you."

"It hurt so much seeing you with Jonny Lang Tay, I felt like you'd ripped me apart." He hazarded a glance in his brother's direction. "But part of me always thought that there'd be a reason and no matter what happened, the stupid, stupid thing with Libby, you would still love me." Taylor stood, moving over to Zac quickly, dropping to his knees and clasping those callused hands in his own.

"Please Zac, don't hate me. I want you more than I've wanted anything but this isn't the right time, there are things we need to resolve, need to talk about, think about before we can take it that far."

"What things? I know that I love you, isn't that enough?"

"I love you too Zac but things have changed."

"I don't understand."

Taylor bowed his head, remembering that night, the deep sorrow that had flooded every inch of his soul as he had moved to end it all, free Zac from a love that had been bound to him.

"Tay, what's wrong?" He breathed deeply.

"I had a problem, a drinking problem." He looked up slowly. "Everything was going wrong, I felt like the world was judging me, casting me off, that I had hurt everybody I cared about."

"No..."

"It all got too much for me, I got ill..."

"Are you okay?" He nodded slowly.

"But I need time." He bit his lip, his eyes pleading with Zac to understand. "I need time to be me again, to find the Taylor that loved you before, without the guilt or the pain."

"You want me to go away again?" His words were hesitant.

"I don't want you to Zac."

"You need me to?"

"I'm not sure."

"I will." He paused. "If it will help you."

"I still need you Zac, I need to know that you'll still love me. You're all I have left."

"Of course I do baby." He smiled but the expression missed his sullen eyes. "I can wait."

"Thank you Zac." He shifted forward and wrapped his arms around Zac's waist, resting his head against a solid chest, steadying his beating heart against the slow thud of his brothers.

Part Four: 6-10